This is me lying.
The first few weeks of pregnancy are just weird. You take a test and they say you're pregnant, but that's it. I mean, sure I feel like I'm on the verge of vomiting constantly most days, and I'm really sleepy, but I could also just have the flu. It's not quite real. Except that every week I look online at what the baby should be like at that stage in development. I take solace in the fact that I am growing a tiny kidney bean alien in my body. Something like this:
We had our OB orientation a few days ago. It was actually a relief. The RN that conducted it was so sweet and welcoming. As a lesbian couple you're never quite sure how people are going to react. Certainly not when one of you is pregnant. I imagine this question mark over their head with the caption "How'd that happen?" But, she was incredibly warm and inclusive. Extra, extra, extra amazing that she was Black! I say this because we're a Black couple and we know that middle aged and older Black folks can be real deep off in their Christianity, which sometimes makes them funny acting about gay people. Fact. Anyway, this lady was amazing. She hugged us at the end, and I really wanted to hug her, because she was so reassuring.
I kind of want to cry just thinking about it. Which happens a lot now. The other day I cried that I wanted BBQ and my wife took me to get some. Yesterday, I full on sobbed for 5 minutes because we watched a video about this family with a transgender child and how they were accepting and loving. Like doubled over sobbing, because....who knows!? Because being a parent is a huge responsibility with so many variables. Because it's kind of overwhelming to think of all the potential things we could encounter. Plus, will it be harder for them to explain their gay parents if we're living in some small town the Army has sent us to? Oh God. I should untype that. I should not think about things that get me all weird.
Which brings me to my next point. I'm too through with the Army this week. I don't care. I am. My wife is a very hard worker (read: too hard). She's one of those people that's so completely committed to being successful that not reaching her goal never enters her mind. She's too busy barreling forward 100 mph to consider failure. For this reason she's been among the best in her field. She's trying to find out what's going to happen with our next PCS. Like, I don't know, minor details like where the hell are we going?? According to her Sergeant Major she's in the top five, if not number one, for her particular job, which means she's on a lot of people's radar and a few people are vying to have her come and work for them. Including somebody in Florida.
Um...that is not a thing. I am not living in Florida. Except, that if the Army tells her to... I'm living in Florida. *Gasp* Don't get me wrong, Floridians. I'm sure it's beautiful. Hell, I went to Disney World once. But, I don't want to live in the last state with a ban on same-sex adoptions (done away with in 2010, but still, you get me). No marriage equality. alsdfjaos;eihwpofaewn;lsdkfj. No. Uh Uh. No siree. You are gonna have to fix that shit. Ideally, we'd have the baby in Maryland or DC. Walter Reed Medical Center is looking like the place right now. That way we can both be on the birth certificate. Seems like a little thing, but it's not. We are this child's parents and we want to be recognized as such from jump. No confusion. I don't know. I just thought all that hard work would mean a little say when it really counts. My goal for this week is to not think about it. It makes me anxious, and I don't want to create a little neurotic baby with all my anxiety. Bleh.
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